Yagmurlu bir aksamin bogaz koprusune giris trafiginde sikismis bedenimi, zevzek radyo kanallariyla avutmaya calistigim, her korna sesinde, kornayi calanin da caldiranin da kafasini direksiyona vura vura parcalamayi hayal ettigim, sileceklerime konsantre olarak ofkemi dindirme cabasi icinde oldugum bir aksam, ani bir sarsintiyla goguslerimi direksiyona carparak irkildim. Dikiz aynasindan arkamdaki arabanin benimle coktan anal bir girisimle birlestigini gordum. Icimden ona kadar saymak yerine, cantamdan kirmizi ruju alip dudaklarima surdum. Usulca kapiyi acip arabama ne kadar tecavuz edildigini gormek icin arkaya dogru ilerledim. Benim indigimi gorunce beyefendi camini araladi, yagmurda islanan bedenim ona duydugum ofkeyi damla damla arttiriyordu. Yanina gittim,
-Saga cek!
-Kusura bakmayin, bir anda oldu, sigorta sirketim..
-Saga cek dedim!
Arabama geri donup once onun saga cekmesini izledim sonra ben de saga sinyal verip onun arkasina park edip, dortluleri yaktim. Yagmurla birlikte korna sesleri de artiyordu. Birkac dakika arabada durup onu izledim. Yagmurda islanmamak icin arabasindan inmiyordu, surekli cep telefonuyla birilerini ariyordu. “ahmak…” Tekrar arabamdan inip, onde park ettigi arabasina yaklastim, cama vurdum. Bir elinde cep telefonu telasla cami acti. Ani bir hareketle elindeki telefonu alip yere atip, topuklu ayakkabilarimla ezdim. Dehsete kapilmis bir sekilde bana bakip,
-Hanimefendi, n’apiyorsunuz? Bakin, yanlislikla oldu, ben zarari karsilamaya hazirim.
-Simdi sira sende, in arabadan!
-Bakin, isterseniz polis cagiralim, yani ben, aramizda hallederiz diye dusunmustum.
-Halledecegiz zaten, in arabadan.
Oyle saskindi ki, inmek icin hamle yaptiginda emniyet kemerinin takili oldugunun bile farkinda degildi. Beyefendinin kapisini acip onu arabasindan indirdim. Aslinda fena bir adama benzemiyordu; 40 yaslarinda, kumral, takim elbiseli, evil oldugu her halinden belli, sumsuk bir herifti iste. Ama dikkatsiz araba kullanmanin cezasini cekmeliydi. Karsimda simdi ne yapacagiz der gibi bana bakiyordu. Kravatindan tutup arabasinin onune getirdim.
-Yat yere!
-Anlamadim, pardon, sey saka yapiyorsunuz herhalde, bakin isterseniz simdi
-Anlasilmayacak birsey yok, yere yat!
Yagmurdan islanmis yola isteksizce oturdu, ne olacagindan habersiz oylece bana bakiyordu. Ayagimla bedenini yola yapistirdim.
-Dikkatsiz araba kullanmanin cezasi ne bilmiyor musun?
Kafasini zavalli bir sekilde iki yana salladi.
-O halde ogrenmenin zamani geldi.
Usulca sag ayagimla uzerine bastim.
-Yapmayin, lutfen, bakin cok canim..
-Cezani odemeden burden gidemezsin.
Sonra diger ayagimla karnini ezmeye basladim. Onu orada ezmekten o kadar cok zevk aliyordum ki, etraftaki diger arabalar umrumda bile degildi. Tek amacim ona yaptiginin bedelini unutmayacagi sekilde odetmekti. Gittikce daha sert basiyordum ustune, once parmak ucumla sonra ayakkabimin topuguyla ona varligimi hisettiriyordum. Acidan kivraniyordu.
Son bir kez iki ayagimla uzerine ciktim,
-Zavalli bir adamsin sen! Tekrar et ne kadar zavalli oldugunu soyle bana.
Agirligimi tasiyamaz hale gelmisti, guclukle kivranarak
-Zavalliyim ben
-Aferin, iste bu kadar.
Uzerinden indim. Yerde sirilsiklam olmus bir halde acidan kivraniyordu.
-Bir dahaki sefere daha dikkatli ol!
Beni duymadi bile, hafifce dogruldu, ellerini yuzune goturdu. Arkami donup arabama gittim. Ofkem tam anlamiyla gecmemisti sanki, son birsey daha yapmaliydim. Arabama binip calistirdim, onun yerde cep telefonunun parcalarini toplamasini izledim. Tam arabasina bindigi sirada, sert bir gaz hamlesiyle, arabasina arkadan carptim, Geriye alip yavasca gulumseyerek yanindan gecip gittim. Sonunda rahatlamistim…
17 Aralık 2009 Perşembe
16 Aralık 2009 Çarşamba
yabanci
Uzun suredir telefonda konusuyorduk. Bir ay once telefon caldiginda ilk kez sesini duydum. Yanlis numara oldugunu anladigimda telefonu “onemli degil” cevabiyla kapattim. Ama tuhaf bir sekilde butun gece telefonda duydugum sesin kim oldugunu dusunmeden edemedim. Sonar tekrar aradi. Ve hicbirsey olmamis gibi bana gununun nasil gectigini anlatti. Sanki birbirimizi taniyormus gibi saatlerce konustuk. Ikimizde ismimizi soylemedik, sormadik. Gecelerce devam etti bu. Neredeyse her gece ayni saatte beni aradi. Bazi aksamlar sirf onun sesini duymak icin hoslandigim adamlari bile bulustugum yerlerde birakip eve gelmeye basladim. Bir kac hafta sonra bana fantazilerini anlatmaya basladi. Konusma daha da ilginclesmisti. Inanilmaz derecede tahrik edici bir ses tonu olan bu yabancinin daha “merhaba” demesiyle islaniyordum. Anlattigi hikayeler gercekmiydi bilmiyorum. Ama ben gercekmiscesine dinleyip sanki her hikayesinde ben de varmisim, birlikte oldugu kadin benmisim gibi heyecanlaniyordum. Bazi geceler aramadiginda sinirleniyordum. Kesin dun gece anlattigi surtukle bulustu ve su an onu beceriyor diye dusunup kiskaniyordum. Ama bunu ona asla belli etmiyordum. Ona ayak uydurmak icin cogu zaman kafamda kurguladigim seks hikayelerini anlatiyordum, nefes alip verisine gore hikayelerin dozunu degistiriyordum. Boylelikle nelerden daha cok zevk aldigini anlamaya baslamistim. Mesela kesinlikle ayak fetisi vardi. Oyle oldugunu soylemedi ama ne zaman “sonra ayaklarimi yaladi” desem daha hizli nefes aldigini farkediyordum, ya da “ayakkabilarimi cikarmami istedi” deyip cumleyi yarim biraktigimda hemen “lutfen devam et” diyordu. O kadar uzun suruyordu ki konusmalar, cogu zaman tuvalete girmem gerekiyordu, bir kac seferinde bunu ona soyledigimde fazlasiyla tahrik oldugunu hissettim, iserken onunla konusmaya devam etmemi istedigini anladim. Ruyalarimda bile sesini duymaya baslamistim, ama bir turlu ona bir yuz oturtamiyordum. Sadece sesini duyup onu ariyordum. Artik gercekten merak sinirim artmisti. Onu tanimak istiyordum. Bir aydir her gece konustugum, tum fantazilerini, tum zevklerini bildigim bu yabanciyi gormek istedigime karar verdim. Bir yandan da ya hayalkirikligina ugrarsam diye korkuyordum. Sanirim onu gorme istegim agir basti. Ve birkac gun once aradiginda bunu ona soyledim. Bunun mumkun olmayacagini soyleyip telefonu kapatti. Ne yapacagimi bilemedim. Telefonunu bilmedigim icin onu geri arayamadim. Iki gun boyunca evden cikmadan aramasini bekledim. Keske hic boyle bir teklifi yapmasaydim. Keske hic sesini duymasaydim. Ona olan arzum gittikce buyuyordu. Sanki hicbir erkegi bu denli istememistim. Butun gece uyuyamamistim, sabah dogru bir elimde telefon dalmisim. Kapi sesine uyandim. Saat daha 10 bile olmamisti, uzerime sabahligi gecirip kapiyi actim. Kuryeci genc bir cocuk elindeki kocaman paketi bana uzatip gitti. Paketi alelacele actim, icinden kirmizi dar mini bir elbise, lacivert sivri topuklu bir cift ayakkabi ve sari bir zarf cikti. Zarfin icindeki kartta bir tekne partisinin davetiyesi vardi. Bir de el yazisiyla kucuk bir not ilave edilmisti “sen istedin…”
to be continued...
to be continued...
15 Aralık 2009 Salı
a man, a child and his game...
It is not a synchronized event. It is not choreographed either. Nor it should be a race to get to the orgasm. Giving pleasure can be equal to getting some. When you sleep with a stranger, most of the times it turns out to be a competition. Guys, sorry, most guys love to show themselves off, they do stuff without even considering whether you are enjoying it or not.
He was one of them as well. It all started out fun, we met at a coffee shop. he asked for a chai latte, I asked for a double espresso. It was early and I was cranky. I didn’t even notice him until I started drinking his chai latte, so we sat down, had a quick chit chat and he asked me out for the next night. I believed him to be cute so without much thinking, we settled our date.
We met at a sushi restaurant, he was polite and funny, I was curious and horny. After having quite a lot of rolls and couple bottles of warm sake, he offered to get a drink at his place. So I went along with him to see how thing would unfold.
As soon as we stepped in the apartment, he did his best to create the atmosphere. Slow music, dim lights, glass of wine, cozy couch, classic beginning for the pre intercourse… then little kisses, touching, interesting moves to take my bra off, ok, I was ok with most of them, though it seemed a little too choreographed, I could live with that. It seemed all like a sincere approach to get laid without scaring the woman right away. Until he got down to the under belly… that’s when he turned into a gynecologist. Right after taking my panties off, he was down there doing the most uncomfortable “how many fingers can I fit in here” move. What a shame! He was forcing his fingers in trying to open new doors for himself or something. Watching too much porn, I believe causes this kind of head trauma. I tapped his shoulder to ask him what he was looking for down there. He looked at my face very proud and said “now, it is your turn”. Excuse me but since when we have started to take turns? What made him think that it’s a tournament? Trying to find my panties, I apologized and told him I had to leave since it was getting late. He said “but I made you cum and you didn’t” , poor little child I am sure this is not the first time, I thought. “Well, sorry, maybe next time” I said as I was dressing up. “no, I want to do it now, lets both do it at the same time so we can come together, come on I know you enjoy it” . I didn’t know how to answer this, let’s see synchronized coming I believe was what he was referring to. Not interested. Not with a guy who obviously failed in the anatomy class. “Really, I should get going. Thanks for the wine” He wouldn’t let go though, he said “at least give me a hand job, you know it is not fair what you did, I gave you an orgasm and now you are leaving me, like this” pointing at his little penis. You know I try not to be so harsh, I do really. “I am sorry, I have to go now.” But some guys don’t take no as an answer, he was also one of them. He got up, locked the door and said “ I wont let you go until you finish me off” . Great I thought what now? What kind of son of a bitch was he? I was getting furious. Why had I even accepted this date in the first place? I looked at his desperate eyes, and said “you are right, let me get you off” so I did what I had to do. I sat him down, got down on my knees and took his thing in my mouth. Slowly first, then with the use of my teeth almost chewed him, his moaning turned into painful screams, he was begging me to stop, but it was too late. You asked for it, you got it. When I finally stopped, he was all red and swollen, I didn’t have to say a thing, he handed the keys to me, “ I will let myself out, it was lovely meeting you, we should do this again sometimes, good night” there I left him crying on his cozy couch, holding on to his dick, just as he would when he was a child.
He was one of them as well. It all started out fun, we met at a coffee shop. he asked for a chai latte, I asked for a double espresso. It was early and I was cranky. I didn’t even notice him until I started drinking his chai latte, so we sat down, had a quick chit chat and he asked me out for the next night. I believed him to be cute so without much thinking, we settled our date.
We met at a sushi restaurant, he was polite and funny, I was curious and horny. After having quite a lot of rolls and couple bottles of warm sake, he offered to get a drink at his place. So I went along with him to see how thing would unfold.
As soon as we stepped in the apartment, he did his best to create the atmosphere. Slow music, dim lights, glass of wine, cozy couch, classic beginning for the pre intercourse… then little kisses, touching, interesting moves to take my bra off, ok, I was ok with most of them, though it seemed a little too choreographed, I could live with that. It seemed all like a sincere approach to get laid without scaring the woman right away. Until he got down to the under belly… that’s when he turned into a gynecologist. Right after taking my panties off, he was down there doing the most uncomfortable “how many fingers can I fit in here” move. What a shame! He was forcing his fingers in trying to open new doors for himself or something. Watching too much porn, I believe causes this kind of head trauma. I tapped his shoulder to ask him what he was looking for down there. He looked at my face very proud and said “now, it is your turn”. Excuse me but since when we have started to take turns? What made him think that it’s a tournament? Trying to find my panties, I apologized and told him I had to leave since it was getting late. He said “but I made you cum and you didn’t” , poor little child I am sure this is not the first time, I thought. “Well, sorry, maybe next time” I said as I was dressing up. “no, I want to do it now, lets both do it at the same time so we can come together, come on I know you enjoy it” . I didn’t know how to answer this, let’s see synchronized coming I believe was what he was referring to. Not interested. Not with a guy who obviously failed in the anatomy class. “Really, I should get going. Thanks for the wine” He wouldn’t let go though, he said “at least give me a hand job, you know it is not fair what you did, I gave you an orgasm and now you are leaving me, like this” pointing at his little penis. You know I try not to be so harsh, I do really. “I am sorry, I have to go now.” But some guys don’t take no as an answer, he was also one of them. He got up, locked the door and said “ I wont let you go until you finish me off” . Great I thought what now? What kind of son of a bitch was he? I was getting furious. Why had I even accepted this date in the first place? I looked at his desperate eyes, and said “you are right, let me get you off” so I did what I had to do. I sat him down, got down on my knees and took his thing in my mouth. Slowly first, then with the use of my teeth almost chewed him, his moaning turned into painful screams, he was begging me to stop, but it was too late. You asked for it, you got it. When I finally stopped, he was all red and swollen, I didn’t have to say a thing, he handed the keys to me, “ I will let myself out, it was lovely meeting you, we should do this again sometimes, good night” there I left him crying on his cozy couch, holding on to his dick, just as he would when he was a child.
10 Aralık 2009 Perşembe
the business dinner
Last Friday night, I had to go to a business dinner. I usually try and avoid these meetings but that night for some reason my boss was so pushy that even my best excuse didn’t work. So I agreed and tried to make it fast and painless. It was held in a nice roof top restaurant and all the associates were there mostly with their beloved ones. As you can imagine, I was there alone, smiling more to ignore their judging glances. Unfortunately, I had to sit next to this guy whom I fucked on the toilet seat at work a month ago and he came with his wife. “What a surprise!” I didn’t even know he was married honestly. I introduced myself to his wife, we shook hands and she looked at me and said;
-Nice shoes.
-Oh thanks, nice to meet you too.
That was weird. But what the hell, I should care less. So I decided to indulge myself in eating and drinking expensive champagne; thinking she would leave me alone if I look busy with the food. But she didn’t.
-Have we met before?
-No, I wouldn’t imagine we have.
-You have a very familiar face.
-Well, I get that a lot.
-Sure, it’s very beautiful.
“Compliments coming from the wife, nice but uncomfortable, especially when you have fucked his man”
-Thanks, you too. I mean, your husband is very lucky.
-You should come have dinner with us sometime. Actually we are holding a house warming party this weekend, we would be happy to have you as well. Wouldn’t we darling?
I could tell he was more nervous than me, he tried to nod.
-I wish I could but I will be out of town this weekend.
-Oh well, maybe next weekend we can have you for dinner.
-Thanks, it is very kind of you. Excuse me, I ll use the ladies room.
Just as I was making my escape, she looked at me and said;
-Why don’t you accompany her to the restroom honey?
-No, no thanks, it isn’t necessary, I ll be fine.
-In that case I ll come with you.
I smiled at her, thinking “What was she thinking? Did she know? Did he tell her? I should have never fucked him in the first place. Fuck!” So there we were walking in the hallway in silence. It was the longest silence and the longest hallway. Finally, restrooms; there I was entering and holding my breath.
-After you.
-Thanks.
I didn’t even have to pee, but to avoid the awkwardness I just sat there, until someone knocked on the door.
-I ll be just a sec.
I flushed the toilet and paced myself, I wasn’t sure what was more discomforting, the fact that she was there, the fact that she would have known or the fact that she was actually more dominant than me. God, I couldn’t say no to this woman. I heard the door slammed, and got a slight relief, hoping she would have left. So, I held my breath and opened the door. She was gone. Finally. I wished I wouldn’t have to go back. I put some cold water over my face, and tried to pull myself together. Then I fixed my make up and decided the best thing to was to act cool. As I was ready to go back, the door opened and she appeared. At that time I realized she had the same exact black high-heeled leather shoes that I had. She stared at me with a slight grin on her face, then opened the door again to let her husband in. Then she locked it. There we were, the guy I fucked, the wife of the guy I fucked and me, all three of us, standing and stunned. Before I could make my move, she pushed her husband towards me and ordered.
-Let me see how you fucked my husband.
-What? Look, I have no idea what you are talking about.
-Oh, I am sure you do. And I would love to see the demonstration. I believe you like to do it on the toilet seat.
He had told her, “what a fucking asshole” and he was there looking like a piece of shit. I realized there was one way to stop all this. I had to start acting. I had to take charge. Her being so on top of me really bugged me. I couldn’t act submissive anymore. So I took my best shot.
-You bitch, come over here and eat me if you want to see some action. And you ass hole lick her ass while she is doing me.
She gave me one more look and did come next to me got on her knees and slowly took off my knickers.
-Let me rephrase that you piece of shit come here and start licking.
He didn’t have a choice so he obeyed and actually started licking her. She was doing me like a pro, I was surprised to see how things were turning around. I was almost coming and from her moaning I supposed she was as well. But I didn’t want to loose my power so I yelled at her.
-Not good enough bitch, spank her, she is missing the spot.
He started spanking his wife, it turned her on even more and she was digging her tongue even deeper. I pulled her hair with one hand.
-Enough! Now I want you to fuck the bitch on the toilet seat.
So he did. He sat his wife on his lap and started fucking. From what I was hearing, I could tell they were having a good time. I didn’t want to be a part of it anymore, but I had to finish my business.
-Harder, you asshole, do it on her back.
I guided their moves for another five minutes until they both came. I took some tissues and handed to the wife.
-Now, we are even.
I left the restroom and quickly took my coat and left the restaurant. “What a night?” I was glad that it was over. I came home, took a shower and tried to get rid of the smell of the night.
The next day I woke up with a knock on the door. I opened it and the delivery guy brought me a bucket of red roses with an envelope. I tipped him and set the roses on the table, wondering “who could have sent the flowers?’ I tore the envelope.
There it was, from the happy couple:
“Thank you for an unforgettable night. We would love to do it again soon. You are amazing. Yours truly.”
Oh crap, not again…
-Nice shoes.
-Oh thanks, nice to meet you too.
That was weird. But what the hell, I should care less. So I decided to indulge myself in eating and drinking expensive champagne; thinking she would leave me alone if I look busy with the food. But she didn’t.
-Have we met before?
-No, I wouldn’t imagine we have.
-You have a very familiar face.
-Well, I get that a lot.
-Sure, it’s very beautiful.
“Compliments coming from the wife, nice but uncomfortable, especially when you have fucked his man”
-Thanks, you too. I mean, your husband is very lucky.
-You should come have dinner with us sometime. Actually we are holding a house warming party this weekend, we would be happy to have you as well. Wouldn’t we darling?
I could tell he was more nervous than me, he tried to nod.
-I wish I could but I will be out of town this weekend.
-Oh well, maybe next weekend we can have you for dinner.
-Thanks, it is very kind of you. Excuse me, I ll use the ladies room.
Just as I was making my escape, she looked at me and said;
-Why don’t you accompany her to the restroom honey?
-No, no thanks, it isn’t necessary, I ll be fine.
-In that case I ll come with you.
I smiled at her, thinking “What was she thinking? Did she know? Did he tell her? I should have never fucked him in the first place. Fuck!” So there we were walking in the hallway in silence. It was the longest silence and the longest hallway. Finally, restrooms; there I was entering and holding my breath.
-After you.
-Thanks.
I didn’t even have to pee, but to avoid the awkwardness I just sat there, until someone knocked on the door.
-I ll be just a sec.
I flushed the toilet and paced myself, I wasn’t sure what was more discomforting, the fact that she was there, the fact that she would have known or the fact that she was actually more dominant than me. God, I couldn’t say no to this woman. I heard the door slammed, and got a slight relief, hoping she would have left. So, I held my breath and opened the door. She was gone. Finally. I wished I wouldn’t have to go back. I put some cold water over my face, and tried to pull myself together. Then I fixed my make up and decided the best thing to was to act cool. As I was ready to go back, the door opened and she appeared. At that time I realized she had the same exact black high-heeled leather shoes that I had. She stared at me with a slight grin on her face, then opened the door again to let her husband in. Then she locked it. There we were, the guy I fucked, the wife of the guy I fucked and me, all three of us, standing and stunned. Before I could make my move, she pushed her husband towards me and ordered.
-Let me see how you fucked my husband.
-What? Look, I have no idea what you are talking about.
-Oh, I am sure you do. And I would love to see the demonstration. I believe you like to do it on the toilet seat.
He had told her, “what a fucking asshole” and he was there looking like a piece of shit. I realized there was one way to stop all this. I had to start acting. I had to take charge. Her being so on top of me really bugged me. I couldn’t act submissive anymore. So I took my best shot.
-You bitch, come over here and eat me if you want to see some action. And you ass hole lick her ass while she is doing me.
She gave me one more look and did come next to me got on her knees and slowly took off my knickers.
-Let me rephrase that you piece of shit come here and start licking.
He didn’t have a choice so he obeyed and actually started licking her. She was doing me like a pro, I was surprised to see how things were turning around. I was almost coming and from her moaning I supposed she was as well. But I didn’t want to loose my power so I yelled at her.
-Not good enough bitch, spank her, she is missing the spot.
He started spanking his wife, it turned her on even more and she was digging her tongue even deeper. I pulled her hair with one hand.
-Enough! Now I want you to fuck the bitch on the toilet seat.
So he did. He sat his wife on his lap and started fucking. From what I was hearing, I could tell they were having a good time. I didn’t want to be a part of it anymore, but I had to finish my business.
-Harder, you asshole, do it on her back.
I guided their moves for another five minutes until they both came. I took some tissues and handed to the wife.
-Now, we are even.
I left the restroom and quickly took my coat and left the restaurant. “What a night?” I was glad that it was over. I came home, took a shower and tried to get rid of the smell of the night.
The next day I woke up with a knock on the door. I opened it and the delivery guy brought me a bucket of red roses with an envelope. I tipped him and set the roses on the table, wondering “who could have sent the flowers?’ I tore the envelope.
There it was, from the happy couple:
“Thank you for an unforgettable night. We would love to do it again soon. You are amazing. Yours truly.”
Oh crap, not again…
voyeur...
I live on the sixth floor of an apartment building. To be honest, occasionally when I get bored I like to peek on my neighbors. I used to watch this young couple living across the street; it was pretty amazing how much sex they were having at first. For a while I kept on watching them doing in the living room and couple times I even took a glance on them in the bedroom when the blinds were off. Hot, hot, hot I would think, he was always ready, she was always naked. It would turn me on so much that I even considered joining them. This went on for about a month, and then I got bored. It was always the same moves; first they would start kissing on the sofa, getting all worked up then move the business to the bedroom. She would be on top first then he would get on her back and it was over. I started thinking “if I even get bored watching them have sex, how bored they must have been”. I wanted to do something for them, and started wondering what should be done to spice up things. I got this invitation to the fetish party that one of my friends was throwing at his apartment. So I sent an invitation to them hoping they would show up. That Saturday, I woke up all excited, thinking “they must have been thrilled”. I kept looking over at the apartment to see what was happening; unfortunately the blinds were on and couldn’t see a fucking thing. I kept peeking all day long, but nothing, it was strange, I have never seen all the blinds closed before. Anyway I decided to forget it and started getting ready for the party. I put on my leather mini skirt with the iron bra and tried on the black wig which I don’t usually wear unless I want to be discreet. With my black heels and sensational whip, I seemed very happening. So I took a cab and went to the party zone.
Mr X, who was my ex –not boyfriend, fuck body perhaps, now we are mostly friends other than the emergency situations-opened the door wearing his best bondage costume, kissed me on the cheek.
-Great you made it missy, get in and get ready to get off.
-Oh, so this is the party. You must be punished for not licking my shoes first. Turn around now.
I whipped him a couple of times, as a part of our official greeting. Then I went in the house and started mingling. He had a gorgeous loft, it was huge. He was a well-known banker quite rich and pretty well-known, not for his fetish of course. It was more crowded than I have expected almost a hundred people all wearing their kinky costumes. I went to the bar, and ordered a vodka martini straight up with a twist. Cute bartender, naked wearing just a bow, “nice touch” I thought, though he looked a little too gay. I took the drink and ordered him to turn around.
-Bad bartender, I wanted a twist not an olive.
-My apologies, mistress.
So I whipped his bare ass as well. Took the drink and tried to join the crowd. Its funny how many people that would seem normal during the day would actually show up to these parties wearing, say pantyhose. I once bumped into my ex-boss in one of these; it was one of the oddest situations, and the funniest I suppose. Anyway, I went around, whipped couple more guys and one of my other ex’s wife. She was in a school girl costume “cheesy, aye” well, it kind of disgusted me, so I whipped her even harder, trying to get used to the whole thing she didn’t say a word though. For some reason I wasn’t feeling it, guess it was the disappointment, I really wished they would make it here, perhaps because I wanted to meet with them, or just to save their boring sex life. I took another drink, this time he didn’t even put a twist to get himself whipped I suppose, but I didn’t even realize. I decided to go upstairs where the party would get hotter. On the steps, there he was, Mr. T. –I called him that since he would do anything to be trampled- and I knew he would love it if you don’t realize he is there lying. So I stepped on him and got my heels stuck on his bare stomach. It must have hurt big time. Well, he liked it that way. I went up and saw couple people fucking in the bedroom. Then I went in to bathroom, there was Mr X.’s cousin lying in the bathtub, and having this girl pee all over his face. I sat down on the toilet and started peeing myself watching her pee on him.
-Never mind me, I’ll just be a sec.
They didn’t seem to care anyway. I finished my business, and took a quick glance at my make up and left the bathroom. I went out to the balcony hoping to find a cigarette. There was a guy looking very normal, actually too normal to be at this party. He was smoking and drinking a beer. I tapped his shoulder
-Hey stranger, have another one of those?
He nodded.
-You better light it, or I will get your ass whipped.
The first rule is never to hesitate when you act like this, if for a second you do hesitate, you will sound ridiculous. There, I hesitated. But he looked too normal; it was as if he was on a cigarette break or something. Anyway, he giggled and gave me a condescending look.
-Yeah, right.
I exhaled on his face, trying to get it altogether.
-What are you doing here, anyway?
-That is my question exactly.
-Well?
-Well, what?
-Don’t you have a fetish?
-Well, I don’t.
Always very disappointed to hear that, all the cute guys are normal or gay.
-This certainly is not where you should be then.
-Yeah.
-Why would you come here in the first place?
-I got this invitation.
He pulled the invitation from his pocket and showed it to me. It was the invitation I sent to the couple. “How could this be?”
-I know this might sound a bit inappropriate, but do you live on Third Street?
-Yes, I have just moved there. How do you know?
-Apartment 6?
-Are you the one that sent the invitation?
-Well, not exactly. I sent it to a couple that used to live there. You see, I live across the street from your place and I wanted to…Actually I don’t really know what I was thinking, I didn’t know them as well, so let’s forget this. Want to get a drink?
He seemed all confused, I didn’t understand “why it was a big deal.” “What a pussy” I thought and decided to get a drink myself. As I made my move, he grabbed my arm, pulled me towards him and started kissing me. Then he took my whip, and slammed me very hard with it.
-I want to fuck you.
-Not if I fuck you first.
So, there in the cold balcony, I obeyed him and led him do me, thinking “now I have a new neighbor…”
Mr X, who was my ex –not boyfriend, fuck body perhaps, now we are mostly friends other than the emergency situations-opened the door wearing his best bondage costume, kissed me on the cheek.
-Great you made it missy, get in and get ready to get off.
-Oh, so this is the party. You must be punished for not licking my shoes first. Turn around now.
I whipped him a couple of times, as a part of our official greeting. Then I went in the house and started mingling. He had a gorgeous loft, it was huge. He was a well-known banker quite rich and pretty well-known, not for his fetish of course. It was more crowded than I have expected almost a hundred people all wearing their kinky costumes. I went to the bar, and ordered a vodka martini straight up with a twist. Cute bartender, naked wearing just a bow, “nice touch” I thought, though he looked a little too gay. I took the drink and ordered him to turn around.
-Bad bartender, I wanted a twist not an olive.
-My apologies, mistress.
So I whipped his bare ass as well. Took the drink and tried to join the crowd. Its funny how many people that would seem normal during the day would actually show up to these parties wearing, say pantyhose. I once bumped into my ex-boss in one of these; it was one of the oddest situations, and the funniest I suppose. Anyway, I went around, whipped couple more guys and one of my other ex’s wife. She was in a school girl costume “cheesy, aye” well, it kind of disgusted me, so I whipped her even harder, trying to get used to the whole thing she didn’t say a word though. For some reason I wasn’t feeling it, guess it was the disappointment, I really wished they would make it here, perhaps because I wanted to meet with them, or just to save their boring sex life. I took another drink, this time he didn’t even put a twist to get himself whipped I suppose, but I didn’t even realize. I decided to go upstairs where the party would get hotter. On the steps, there he was, Mr. T. –I called him that since he would do anything to be trampled- and I knew he would love it if you don’t realize he is there lying. So I stepped on him and got my heels stuck on his bare stomach. It must have hurt big time. Well, he liked it that way. I went up and saw couple people fucking in the bedroom. Then I went in to bathroom, there was Mr X.’s cousin lying in the bathtub, and having this girl pee all over his face. I sat down on the toilet and started peeing myself watching her pee on him.
-Never mind me, I’ll just be a sec.
They didn’t seem to care anyway. I finished my business, and took a quick glance at my make up and left the bathroom. I went out to the balcony hoping to find a cigarette. There was a guy looking very normal, actually too normal to be at this party. He was smoking and drinking a beer. I tapped his shoulder
-Hey stranger, have another one of those?
He nodded.
-You better light it, or I will get your ass whipped.
The first rule is never to hesitate when you act like this, if for a second you do hesitate, you will sound ridiculous. There, I hesitated. But he looked too normal; it was as if he was on a cigarette break or something. Anyway, he giggled and gave me a condescending look.
-Yeah, right.
I exhaled on his face, trying to get it altogether.
-What are you doing here, anyway?
-That is my question exactly.
-Well?
-Well, what?
-Don’t you have a fetish?
-Well, I don’t.
Always very disappointed to hear that, all the cute guys are normal or gay.
-This certainly is not where you should be then.
-Yeah.
-Why would you come here in the first place?
-I got this invitation.
He pulled the invitation from his pocket and showed it to me. It was the invitation I sent to the couple. “How could this be?”
-I know this might sound a bit inappropriate, but do you live on Third Street?
-Yes, I have just moved there. How do you know?
-Apartment 6?
-Are you the one that sent the invitation?
-Well, not exactly. I sent it to a couple that used to live there. You see, I live across the street from your place and I wanted to…Actually I don’t really know what I was thinking, I didn’t know them as well, so let’s forget this. Want to get a drink?
He seemed all confused, I didn’t understand “why it was a big deal.” “What a pussy” I thought and decided to get a drink myself. As I made my move, he grabbed my arm, pulled me towards him and started kissing me. Then he took my whip, and slammed me very hard with it.
-I want to fuck you.
-Not if I fuck you first.
So, there in the cold balcony, I obeyed him and led him do me, thinking “now I have a new neighbor…”
7 Aralık 2009 Pazartesi
Uyandigimda hala yanimdaydi...
Sanirim gitmeden son bir kez daha beni becermek derdindeydi. Sabahlari bu yuzden sevmiyorum. Butun suc geceyi birlikte gecirdigim adamlarin… Sabahlari bir an once gitmeleri icin elimden gelen herseyi yapiyorum. Onceleri uyuyorum numarasi yapiyordum ama inanin bana erkekler ruyamda bile beni sikebilirler. Uyuma numarasi cogu zaman cok daha kotu sonuclar verebiliyor. En mantiklisinin gitmek icin kalkip ayni anda kapidan ciktiktan sonra bir sokak yuruyup geri donmek olduguna karar verdim. Sirf bu yuzden kosedeki bankada veznedar olarak calismaya baslayabilirim. Gerci, yapmadim degil. Cogu zaman hem kosulsuz seksi kiskirtacak hem de kosullu sabahlari engelleyecek mesleklerle tanistirdim kendimi. Mesela; hostesim ve sabah ucusum var gibi ya da ingilizce ogretmeniyim sabah dersim var gibi…Tabi adamin arabasi varsa ve israrla ise birakmayi teklif ederse; iste o an, o an geri donusu cok zor olan bir yolun basidir. Ne kadar nazikce reddedilirse edilsin eger adam ise birakmayi kafasina koyduysa, hayali isyerine kadar arabayla gidilip, taksiyle geri donmek gerekir. Yine de tum bunlara aldiris etmeyen ve sabahin korunde de olsa tekrar sevismek isteyen, bunun icin gerekirse saatini kurup iki saat uykudan sonra bile son bir kez daha, hadi lutfen diyen adamlar var.
Iste bu adam da bunlardan biriydi. Uyandigimda hala yanimdaydi. Bir eliyle kendini digeriyle beni oksuyordu. Bense sadece ve sadece uyumak istiyordum. Uyumak. Onu orada bu denli istekli gorunce cok sinirlendim. Evet, dun gece onu eve ben davet etmistim, ama o dun geceydi, ve artik gece bitmis, gun baslamisti. Yeni bir gune eski bir erkekle baslamak da neyin nesiydi. Yeni bir gun ancak yeni bir erkekle baslanirsa, yeni bir gun olabilirdi. Ondan kurtulmam icin once ismini hatirlamam gerekiyordu. Kafami yastiga gomup dusundum. O ise hic orali degildi. Usulca yanima sokulup ciplak bedenini bana surtmeye devam etti. Sirtimi opmeye basladi bir yandan da kalcalarima dokunuyordu. Hala ismini hatirlayamamistim. Belki de soylememisti zaten. Belki de hic tanismadan sevismeye baslamistik. Tanrim, biran once kurtulmaliyim, bir an once evimi terketmeliydi. Aklimdan binlerce senaryo gecti, acaba adamla tanistigimda bir meslek belirtmismiydim. O butun bunlardan habersiz, dokunuslarina kendince bir hiz katmisti. Cabuk olmam gerektigini, parmaklarini icimde hissettigimde anladim. Kulagima nefesiyle karismis sesiyle “Dun gece yaptigini yap, hadi nazlanma” dedi. “O dun geceydi ve bu, bu sabah, ismini bile hatirlamiyorum, lutfen kapiyi cekip git, ve uyumama izin ver” demek istedim. Bunu neden diyemedigimi bilmiyorum. Gercekten de bilmiyorum. Aniden yataktan firladim, “Kahretsin saat 8 olmus” dedim, “Gec kaliyorum, cok onemli bir toplantim var” . Banyoya gidip, dusu actim. Tuvalette biraz oturduktan sonra, umarim giyinmistir ve benden once cikar diye dua etmeye basladim. Vucudumu biraz islatip, havluyla odaya girdim. Adam hala oylece orda yatiyordu. Sanki beni duymamis gibiydi. Goz goze gelmemeye calisarak yuksek sesle tekrarladim “bir an once cikmaliyim, yoksa patron bozuk atar”. Dolabi acip uzerime birseyler giymeye basladim. Herseyi inanilmaz bir hizla yapiyordum, -ise gec kalmis kadin profili- bir yandan da “umarim ne is yaptigimi sormaz, umarim ne is yaptigimi soylememisimdir, umarim bir an once kalkar ve gider, umarim, umarim” diye dusunuyordum. Hazirlandim, hatta oyle ki banyoya gidip makyaj yaptim, sacimi topladim ve geri geldim. Hala oylece yatakta yatmis beni seyrediyordu. “Uzgunum, gitmem lazim, Pazartesileri hep cok yogun oluyor” dedim. Yuzume anlamsizca bakip guldu ve “bugun Pazar” dedi... FUCK!
Iste bu adam da bunlardan biriydi. Uyandigimda hala yanimdaydi. Bir eliyle kendini digeriyle beni oksuyordu. Bense sadece ve sadece uyumak istiyordum. Uyumak. Onu orada bu denli istekli gorunce cok sinirlendim. Evet, dun gece onu eve ben davet etmistim, ama o dun geceydi, ve artik gece bitmis, gun baslamisti. Yeni bir gune eski bir erkekle baslamak da neyin nesiydi. Yeni bir gun ancak yeni bir erkekle baslanirsa, yeni bir gun olabilirdi. Ondan kurtulmam icin once ismini hatirlamam gerekiyordu. Kafami yastiga gomup dusundum. O ise hic orali degildi. Usulca yanima sokulup ciplak bedenini bana surtmeye devam etti. Sirtimi opmeye basladi bir yandan da kalcalarima dokunuyordu. Hala ismini hatirlayamamistim. Belki de soylememisti zaten. Belki de hic tanismadan sevismeye baslamistik. Tanrim, biran once kurtulmaliyim, bir an once evimi terketmeliydi. Aklimdan binlerce senaryo gecti, acaba adamla tanistigimda bir meslek belirtmismiydim. O butun bunlardan habersiz, dokunuslarina kendince bir hiz katmisti. Cabuk olmam gerektigini, parmaklarini icimde hissettigimde anladim. Kulagima nefesiyle karismis sesiyle “Dun gece yaptigini yap, hadi nazlanma” dedi. “O dun geceydi ve bu, bu sabah, ismini bile hatirlamiyorum, lutfen kapiyi cekip git, ve uyumama izin ver” demek istedim. Bunu neden diyemedigimi bilmiyorum. Gercekten de bilmiyorum. Aniden yataktan firladim, “Kahretsin saat 8 olmus” dedim, “Gec kaliyorum, cok onemli bir toplantim var” . Banyoya gidip, dusu actim. Tuvalette biraz oturduktan sonra, umarim giyinmistir ve benden once cikar diye dua etmeye basladim. Vucudumu biraz islatip, havluyla odaya girdim. Adam hala oylece orda yatiyordu. Sanki beni duymamis gibiydi. Goz goze gelmemeye calisarak yuksek sesle tekrarladim “bir an once cikmaliyim, yoksa patron bozuk atar”. Dolabi acip uzerime birseyler giymeye basladim. Herseyi inanilmaz bir hizla yapiyordum, -ise gec kalmis kadin profili- bir yandan da “umarim ne is yaptigimi sormaz, umarim ne is yaptigimi soylememisimdir, umarim bir an once kalkar ve gider, umarim, umarim” diye dusunuyordum. Hazirlandim, hatta oyle ki banyoya gidip makyaj yaptim, sacimi topladim ve geri geldim. Hala oylece yatakta yatmis beni seyrediyordu. “Uzgunum, gitmem lazim, Pazartesileri hep cok yogun oluyor” dedim. Yuzume anlamsizca bakip guldu ve “bugun Pazar” dedi... FUCK!
6 Aralık 2009 Pazar
amnesia, part 3
Thinking “this is just a weird dream or a funny joke” , I stopped whipping him and sat down on the rocking chair.
-Bring me the paper!
Since he acted as a dog, I figured I should play by it. So the dog man grabbed the paper and brought it to me in his mouth.
-Good boy, just sit there and don’t move.
Then the breakfast came in a service table, three different kinds of eggs, choices of fresh juice, oat meal, pancakes and French toast. “Yummy”, I wasn’t very hungry but the smell was tempting. Just as I was deciding which one to taste first, a man in chef clothes came and said;
-No mistress, let me.
He took the fork and the knife and started feeding me. He was so much focused on my mouth that I was hesitating every time I swallowed.
-Would you like fresh orange juice or apple?
-I want coffee, you idiot, I don’t drink juice in the morning.
-Certainly mistress.
-And bring me a cigarette.
-Of course mistress.
He stood up and left the room. I was beginning to enjoy this more. It’s like having gorgeous servants, working for free. Then I thought “or was I paying them?” he came back with the coffee.
-Where is my cigarette?
-Sam is bringing it, mistress.
“Why was he bringing the cigarette?” I guess every one of these man is designed just to do one thing. Then so called Sam came, with a cigarette in his hand. He kneeled down next to me, lighted my cigarette and opened his hand like an ashtray. I was smoking and drinking my coffee. I felt a little uncomfortable having two guys staring at me, so I took the paper and acted as if I was reading it. The cigarette was almost over and this poor man had all the ashes in his hand, yet looking the happiest man in the world. I took the last drag and a horrible idea came to my mind.
-Open your mouth.
He opened his mouth with no hesitation and I put out my cigarette on his tongue. “God, It must have hurt. But he looked even happier. How psychotic was that?” As I was wondering what else would be next. Another one came in crawling with a diaper. This time I didn’t know what to do. I was speechless. A baby man walking towards me, making a crying sound. I must have looked completely blank that naked chef guy leaned towards my ear and said:
-He needed to be fed.
This was just great. They brought a stroller and helped him sit there and moved him next to me. I was trying to figure out how old this baby man was supposed to be. “Should I breast feed him or should I give him some of my French toast?” Then he started crying even louder, this was it, I took out my breast leaned towards him shoved it in his mouth. He was sucking my breast so hard that I could almost come myself. One of the guys was jerking off staring at us. I wanted to yell at him but it felt too good to talk. Then he wanted the other breast, without holding it with his hands this baby man had a magical gift of licking and sucking my tits at the same time. My nipples were getting harder and sore. I didn’t want them to see how much I was enjoying so I pulled back.
-Enough, for today.
He started crying as soon as I pulled.
-I said, enough, stop that noise.
He wouldn’t stop though. It was outrages, considering I have already hated babies and turned off by that noise big time. As I stood up to leave the room, the naked chef guy spoke up:
-He needed to be cleaned up, mistress.
I rolled over my eyes, thinking “men never grow up”, and asked with an ironic tone:
-Where is the baby changing room?
-Right this way mistress.
There my fear became real, I was about to change a man’s diaper. Just hoped, he hadn’t shit in it. I walked into a room where it was really set up for a baby. They brought him inside and sat him on the bed. Honestly, I have never changed a diaper, so I had no clue about how to do this. Trying to avoid the surprise, I decided to make one of the guys do it.
-You, change the diaper now.
-Of course, mistress.
So, he did. I must say, the baby man wasn’t happy about it, he was crying again, and he actually did shit in his diaper. “What a surprise!” It was disgusting, the smell, the crying, how much worse was this going to get. After cleaning him, he turned to me with a powder in his hand.
-Here is the powder mistress.
I guess that was the least I could do. But I wasn’t going to be gentle. So I poured the powder on his ass, and spanked him with my bare hands.
-This is what you get if you don’t stop crying!
It worked; eventually he stopped crying and started sucking his finger while getting his ass all red. After a dozen spankings, I put a clean diaper on him and folded him in sheets, thinking “I could never be a good mother”. Then a naked guy came in with a boner, his body was shining all greasy or something and said:
-It’s time for your massage, mistress.
I nodded at him trying to hide my smile, thinking “Great, I could definitely use that massage now. “ And I walked to the other room. After all the weirdness, things were turning out to be more exciting.
To be continued…
-Bring me the paper!
Since he acted as a dog, I figured I should play by it. So the dog man grabbed the paper and brought it to me in his mouth.
-Good boy, just sit there and don’t move.
Then the breakfast came in a service table, three different kinds of eggs, choices of fresh juice, oat meal, pancakes and French toast. “Yummy”, I wasn’t very hungry but the smell was tempting. Just as I was deciding which one to taste first, a man in chef clothes came and said;
-No mistress, let me.
He took the fork and the knife and started feeding me. He was so much focused on my mouth that I was hesitating every time I swallowed.
-Would you like fresh orange juice or apple?
-I want coffee, you idiot, I don’t drink juice in the morning.
-Certainly mistress.
-And bring me a cigarette.
-Of course mistress.
He stood up and left the room. I was beginning to enjoy this more. It’s like having gorgeous servants, working for free. Then I thought “or was I paying them?” he came back with the coffee.
-Where is my cigarette?
-Sam is bringing it, mistress.
“Why was he bringing the cigarette?” I guess every one of these man is designed just to do one thing. Then so called Sam came, with a cigarette in his hand. He kneeled down next to me, lighted my cigarette and opened his hand like an ashtray. I was smoking and drinking my coffee. I felt a little uncomfortable having two guys staring at me, so I took the paper and acted as if I was reading it. The cigarette was almost over and this poor man had all the ashes in his hand, yet looking the happiest man in the world. I took the last drag and a horrible idea came to my mind.
-Open your mouth.
He opened his mouth with no hesitation and I put out my cigarette on his tongue. “God, It must have hurt. But he looked even happier. How psychotic was that?” As I was wondering what else would be next. Another one came in crawling with a diaper. This time I didn’t know what to do. I was speechless. A baby man walking towards me, making a crying sound. I must have looked completely blank that naked chef guy leaned towards my ear and said:
-He needed to be fed.
This was just great. They brought a stroller and helped him sit there and moved him next to me. I was trying to figure out how old this baby man was supposed to be. “Should I breast feed him or should I give him some of my French toast?” Then he started crying even louder, this was it, I took out my breast leaned towards him shoved it in his mouth. He was sucking my breast so hard that I could almost come myself. One of the guys was jerking off staring at us. I wanted to yell at him but it felt too good to talk. Then he wanted the other breast, without holding it with his hands this baby man had a magical gift of licking and sucking my tits at the same time. My nipples were getting harder and sore. I didn’t want them to see how much I was enjoying so I pulled back.
-Enough, for today.
He started crying as soon as I pulled.
-I said, enough, stop that noise.
He wouldn’t stop though. It was outrages, considering I have already hated babies and turned off by that noise big time. As I stood up to leave the room, the naked chef guy spoke up:
-He needed to be cleaned up, mistress.
I rolled over my eyes, thinking “men never grow up”, and asked with an ironic tone:
-Where is the baby changing room?
-Right this way mistress.
There my fear became real, I was about to change a man’s diaper. Just hoped, he hadn’t shit in it. I walked into a room where it was really set up for a baby. They brought him inside and sat him on the bed. Honestly, I have never changed a diaper, so I had no clue about how to do this. Trying to avoid the surprise, I decided to make one of the guys do it.
-You, change the diaper now.
-Of course, mistress.
So, he did. I must say, the baby man wasn’t happy about it, he was crying again, and he actually did shit in his diaper. “What a surprise!” It was disgusting, the smell, the crying, how much worse was this going to get. After cleaning him, he turned to me with a powder in his hand.
-Here is the powder mistress.
I guess that was the least I could do. But I wasn’t going to be gentle. So I poured the powder on his ass, and spanked him with my bare hands.
-This is what you get if you don’t stop crying!
It worked; eventually he stopped crying and started sucking his finger while getting his ass all red. After a dozen spankings, I put a clean diaper on him and folded him in sheets, thinking “I could never be a good mother”. Then a naked guy came in with a boner, his body was shining all greasy or something and said:
-It’s time for your massage, mistress.
I nodded at him trying to hide my smile, thinking “Great, I could definitely use that massage now. “ And I walked to the other room. After all the weirdness, things were turning out to be more exciting.
To be continued…
le bitch...
The other day, I woke up with a strange phone call.
There was a woman on the line, who desperately wanted to see me. It was eight in the morning and I was very cranky so I couldn’t cope with her and told her it was the wrong number and hung up. But she kept calling me. After the fifth call, I answered and told her to stop bothering me. She insisted that she knew me, that we had met at a party before and she needed my help. I asked about what, yet she wouldn’t tell me on the phone, she needed to meet me face to face and then she would explain the situation. Just so she would stop calling, I agreed and told her I could meet her at a coffee shop around noon.
Afterwards I couldn’t sleep, so I took a shower and went out to get my nails done.
It was almost noon and I wasn’t sure whether to meet with this nut or not. Just as I was deciding, she called again and told me she was waiting in front of the beauty parlor I was at. Interestingly weird, how would she know I was there? Disturbing would be the word actually, if this was a man I would appreciate the stalking a bit but a desperate woman, NO!
Realizing there was no way to hide form her, I left the parlor and saw her waiting with a cup of coffee and a huge smile on her face.
-Hi, thanks for meeting me, it really was urgent, and this is for you, double shot espresso latte with skim milk.
I was surprised that not only she knew where I was but also the coffee I usually drink in the morning.
-Thanks, well, you didn’t leave me choice now, did you?
-You are right; I wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t so important.
-Ok, where do you plan on making yourself clear?
-There’s a park around the corner, I won’t take much of your time.
I nodded and we walked couple blocks and sat on a bench. She seemed like a nice, good-looking, crazy woman, about the same height as me, with blondish hair and a sporty out-fit.
-So, what is this all about?
She seemed very nervous, took a deep breath and took out a pack of camel lights out of her pocket.
-Oops, I almost forgot, this is for you, you smoke camel lights, right?
Trying not to look too disturbed I smiled at her and took a cigarette and watched as she lighted it.
-Ok. Here is why I needed to talk to you. I want you to stop fucking my boy-friend.
-Excuse me!
-Don’t take it the wrong way. I know all about you and my boy-friend Josh. As a matter of fact I have seen you do it in the coat room at the party. Two months ago, there was a party at Dale’s house, you were there wearing a short yellow dress, and you mingled around drinking martinis. You were with a man, an older guy, and I caught Josh looking at you all night long.
- Hey, it was just one time and I didn’t even know he had a girl friend. Trust me I haven’t seen him since.
-That’s not the point, I know you guys met afterwards at the Grand Hotel. You don’t need to lie. I know all about it. He is crazy for you, he masturbates smelling your underwear. I caught him bunch of times.
-Look, I don’t know what your name is, but believe me it is over I don’t see him anymore. I didn’t even like him to be honest. And that other time, I bumped into him in the hotel, I was there for a business meeting and we had a few drinks and that was that. And the underwear, I don’t even think it is mine.
-No, its ok, I know that it is yours. I asked him and he confessed and told me everything. That’s how I know everything about you. He started following you around since you wouldn’t return his calls. And I didn’t know what to do so I started following him. I know you decided to see him this Friday, so I am asking you to stop seeing him.
-Oh wow, I don’t know what to say. If I would have known…
-I know, this isn’t all.
-It isn’t?
-No, I am in love with you.
-Say that again?
-I love you, ever since I started following you around, I.. I don’t know.. I mean I know it all sounds strange but I tried to understand why he was lusting after you, and the more I learned about you the more I wanted to be with you.
-Not quite sure what to say…
-Don’t fuck my boy friend, fuck me.
-So what do you, want to be my girl friend?
-No, I want to be your bitch. I don’t care if you sleep around or do whatever, I just want to be your bitch, whatever you say, I am willing to do it.
-As much as it sounds very tempting, I am going to say no.
-Please just try me, just for a couple of times at least.
-Have you ever gone down on a woman?
-No, but I can do it right here if you want me to.
-This is crazy, really, I don’t even know you.
-Give me a chance.
I really didn’t know what to do; it was one of the strangest moments. I have had a lot of guys willing to do what she offered but never a woman. She looked so much in pain and desire, I couldn’t turn her down.
-Ok, fine. You will do as I say.
-Really, thank you so much.
-I was going to meet with Josh this Friday, so I want you to be there with him. Deal?
-So you want to do us both?
-We will see, how it unfolds; now I should get going.
-Whatever you say.
-Don’t get all excited; just do what you are told.
So I left her there, I wasn’t sure how to play this along, but it sure seemed exciting…
There was a woman on the line, who desperately wanted to see me. It was eight in the morning and I was very cranky so I couldn’t cope with her and told her it was the wrong number and hung up. But she kept calling me. After the fifth call, I answered and told her to stop bothering me. She insisted that she knew me, that we had met at a party before and she needed my help. I asked about what, yet she wouldn’t tell me on the phone, she needed to meet me face to face and then she would explain the situation. Just so she would stop calling, I agreed and told her I could meet her at a coffee shop around noon.
Afterwards I couldn’t sleep, so I took a shower and went out to get my nails done.
It was almost noon and I wasn’t sure whether to meet with this nut or not. Just as I was deciding, she called again and told me she was waiting in front of the beauty parlor I was at. Interestingly weird, how would she know I was there? Disturbing would be the word actually, if this was a man I would appreciate the stalking a bit but a desperate woman, NO!
Realizing there was no way to hide form her, I left the parlor and saw her waiting with a cup of coffee and a huge smile on her face.
-Hi, thanks for meeting me, it really was urgent, and this is for you, double shot espresso latte with skim milk.
I was surprised that not only she knew where I was but also the coffee I usually drink in the morning.
-Thanks, well, you didn’t leave me choice now, did you?
-You are right; I wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t so important.
-Ok, where do you plan on making yourself clear?
-There’s a park around the corner, I won’t take much of your time.
I nodded and we walked couple blocks and sat on a bench. She seemed like a nice, good-looking, crazy woman, about the same height as me, with blondish hair and a sporty out-fit.
-So, what is this all about?
She seemed very nervous, took a deep breath and took out a pack of camel lights out of her pocket.
-Oops, I almost forgot, this is for you, you smoke camel lights, right?
Trying not to look too disturbed I smiled at her and took a cigarette and watched as she lighted it.
-Ok. Here is why I needed to talk to you. I want you to stop fucking my boy-friend.
-Excuse me!
-Don’t take it the wrong way. I know all about you and my boy-friend Josh. As a matter of fact I have seen you do it in the coat room at the party. Two months ago, there was a party at Dale’s house, you were there wearing a short yellow dress, and you mingled around drinking martinis. You were with a man, an older guy, and I caught Josh looking at you all night long.
- Hey, it was just one time and I didn’t even know he had a girl friend. Trust me I haven’t seen him since.
-That’s not the point, I know you guys met afterwards at the Grand Hotel. You don’t need to lie. I know all about it. He is crazy for you, he masturbates smelling your underwear. I caught him bunch of times.
-Look, I don’t know what your name is, but believe me it is over I don’t see him anymore. I didn’t even like him to be honest. And that other time, I bumped into him in the hotel, I was there for a business meeting and we had a few drinks and that was that. And the underwear, I don’t even think it is mine.
-No, its ok, I know that it is yours. I asked him and he confessed and told me everything. That’s how I know everything about you. He started following you around since you wouldn’t return his calls. And I didn’t know what to do so I started following him. I know you decided to see him this Friday, so I am asking you to stop seeing him.
-Oh wow, I don’t know what to say. If I would have known…
-I know, this isn’t all.
-It isn’t?
-No, I am in love with you.
-Say that again?
-I love you, ever since I started following you around, I.. I don’t know.. I mean I know it all sounds strange but I tried to understand why he was lusting after you, and the more I learned about you the more I wanted to be with you.
-Not quite sure what to say…
-Don’t fuck my boy friend, fuck me.
-So what do you, want to be my girl friend?
-No, I want to be your bitch. I don’t care if you sleep around or do whatever, I just want to be your bitch, whatever you say, I am willing to do it.
-As much as it sounds very tempting, I am going to say no.
-Please just try me, just for a couple of times at least.
-Have you ever gone down on a woman?
-No, but I can do it right here if you want me to.
-This is crazy, really, I don’t even know you.
-Give me a chance.
I really didn’t know what to do; it was one of the strangest moments. I have had a lot of guys willing to do what she offered but never a woman. She looked so much in pain and desire, I couldn’t turn her down.
-Ok, fine. You will do as I say.
-Really, thank you so much.
-I was going to meet with Josh this Friday, so I want you to be there with him. Deal?
-So you want to do us both?
-We will see, how it unfolds; now I should get going.
-Whatever you say.
-Don’t get all excited; just do what you are told.
So I left her there, I wasn’t sure how to play this along, but it sure seemed exciting…
4 Aralık 2009 Cuma
amnesia, part 2
I kept my silence and kept cruising around the apartment, staring at the half naked men working for me. Then another shirtless guy walked up to me, kneeled down and said with an accent:
-Your bath is ready mistress.
And lead me to the bathroom. He watched me get in the tub, holding a towel in his hand.
-Is that good mistress? Would you like me to wash your feet?
I nodded and he slowly touched my feet. He was rubbing my feet very gently and washing it with soap. I couldn’t believe how much he was enjoying this. I could feel he was almost going to have an orgasm. Then he asked:
-Could I lick your feet mistress?
This time I rejected him to see what he would do. He backed up a little bit and with his face down:
-I apologize mistress, please give me my punishment.
I have never seen a man act this way and never have I felt so much in charge. I felt so powerful that I wanted to step on him and crush his little head under my feet. So I did.
I got up slowly and yelled at him.
-Give me the towel!
-Yes, mistress.
He was sitting on his knees like a little puppy, waiting for his owner to pet him or something. His sad-puppy eyes disturbed me so much that I yelled even louder, as I was wrapping the towel.
-You disgusting piece of shit, lay on your back!
-As you wish, mistress.
I stepped out of the tub and stepped on his stomach with water dripping all over me legs, there was no trace of pain or ache on him. Then I stepped on his chest with both of my feet, this must hurt. To all my effort digging my feet in his chest and stomach he was there enjoying as if I was weightless. Then I jumped off of him and turned to him,
-Don’t move until I say so.
-As you wish, mistress.
As soon as I opened the bathroom door, I saw another man back on all fours with a leash on his neck. “oh great” I thought “this ia even freakier” I took the end of the leash and started draging him with me as I bumped into another guy holding my nightgown. He gestured to put it on my shoulders and said:
-Mistress, breakfast is ready in the balcony, Tom is waiting to feed you, if you wish.
Trying not to loose my pose, I asked:
-I do no want to eat in the balcony today, bring it to the living room.
-I am so sorry mistress, I would do it immediately.
So I walked to the living room with my weird man dog wondering how far would this go. When I entered the living room, I saw a man in a maid costume, dusting; I let go off the man dog and he sat down by my feet and stared at the maid man. He startled for a minute and said with a British accent:
-I have cleaned here mistress. Could I be off then?
Considering how I hate cleaning and how long I have been living in a slightly messy house, I was mesmerized by the tidiness. So I sat down very pleased and said:
-Do as you wish.
Instead of leavng the room, he kneeled down and started crying:
_please mistress do not let me go, let me clean all you want, let me keep cleaning, please don’t let me go mistress.
I was shocked. “How would a man with that good looks would beg to clean my house? And how could a man would even like cleaning? And more importantly why would a man would wear a woman-maid costume?” He didn’t stop crying so I thought “what the hell?”
-Kiss my feet first then go clean the bedroom.
Now he seemed very pleased and kissed my feet with an endless passion. I had to let him go off my feet, so I kicked his face and said with a very commanding tone:
-Now!
There he stood up and walked backwards until he left the room. Just as I was trying to acknowledge the situation, I realised my dog man was peeing -just like a dog- to my wall, peeing with his leg up and staring at me. “what the fuck” I thought.
-What do you think you are doing?
He stopped peeing and took a whip with his mouth and broght it to me. He was in all fours sitting like a dog with a whip in his mouth. So I took it and whipped him as he moaned. The harder I was whipping his ass the louder he moaned. It felt good and bad. On one hand I felt like I could rule the world, I could be the most cruel woman but on the other hand no matter how cruel I got, would these men suffer. Or "Were they?" "Were they suffering?" "Was pain interpreted as pleasure for some?" And if so "What was I?" And most importantly,
WHY WAS IT ME?
to be continued...
-Your bath is ready mistress.
And lead me to the bathroom. He watched me get in the tub, holding a towel in his hand.
-Is that good mistress? Would you like me to wash your feet?
I nodded and he slowly touched my feet. He was rubbing my feet very gently and washing it with soap. I couldn’t believe how much he was enjoying this. I could feel he was almost going to have an orgasm. Then he asked:
-Could I lick your feet mistress?
This time I rejected him to see what he would do. He backed up a little bit and with his face down:
-I apologize mistress, please give me my punishment.
I have never seen a man act this way and never have I felt so much in charge. I felt so powerful that I wanted to step on him and crush his little head under my feet. So I did.
I got up slowly and yelled at him.
-Give me the towel!
-Yes, mistress.
He was sitting on his knees like a little puppy, waiting for his owner to pet him or something. His sad-puppy eyes disturbed me so much that I yelled even louder, as I was wrapping the towel.
-You disgusting piece of shit, lay on your back!
-As you wish, mistress.
I stepped out of the tub and stepped on his stomach with water dripping all over me legs, there was no trace of pain or ache on him. Then I stepped on his chest with both of my feet, this must hurt. To all my effort digging my feet in his chest and stomach he was there enjoying as if I was weightless. Then I jumped off of him and turned to him,
-Don’t move until I say so.
-As you wish, mistress.
As soon as I opened the bathroom door, I saw another man back on all fours with a leash on his neck. “oh great” I thought “this ia even freakier” I took the end of the leash and started draging him with me as I bumped into another guy holding my nightgown. He gestured to put it on my shoulders and said:
-Mistress, breakfast is ready in the balcony, Tom is waiting to feed you, if you wish.
Trying not to loose my pose, I asked:
-I do no want to eat in the balcony today, bring it to the living room.
-I am so sorry mistress, I would do it immediately.
So I walked to the living room with my weird man dog wondering how far would this go. When I entered the living room, I saw a man in a maid costume, dusting; I let go off the man dog and he sat down by my feet and stared at the maid man. He startled for a minute and said with a British accent:
-I have cleaned here mistress. Could I be off then?
Considering how I hate cleaning and how long I have been living in a slightly messy house, I was mesmerized by the tidiness. So I sat down very pleased and said:
-Do as you wish.
Instead of leavng the room, he kneeled down and started crying:
_please mistress do not let me go, let me clean all you want, let me keep cleaning, please don’t let me go mistress.
I was shocked. “How would a man with that good looks would beg to clean my house? And how could a man would even like cleaning? And more importantly why would a man would wear a woman-maid costume?” He didn’t stop crying so I thought “what the hell?”
-Kiss my feet first then go clean the bedroom.
Now he seemed very pleased and kissed my feet with an endless passion. I had to let him go off my feet, so I kicked his face and said with a very commanding tone:
-Now!
There he stood up and walked backwards until he left the room. Just as I was trying to acknowledge the situation, I realised my dog man was peeing -just like a dog- to my wall, peeing with his leg up and staring at me. “what the fuck” I thought.
-What do you think you are doing?
He stopped peeing and took a whip with his mouth and broght it to me. He was in all fours sitting like a dog with a whip in his mouth. So I took it and whipped him as he moaned. The harder I was whipping his ass the louder he moaned. It felt good and bad. On one hand I felt like I could rule the world, I could be the most cruel woman but on the other hand no matter how cruel I got, would these men suffer. Or "Were they?" "Were they suffering?" "Was pain interpreted as pleasure for some?" And if so "What was I?" And most importantly,
WHY WAS IT ME?
to be continued...
amnesia
I woke up in the middle of my sleep with strange voices, I rolled over and saw ten pairs of male shoes left by the side of my bed. I thought to myself “another night of heavy drinking, I should stop the buzz” I got up and sat on the toilet, trying to remember the night, peeing. “what could have happened? Where have I been?” all the necessary questions rambling in my mind, too scared to find the answers. All of a sudden this guy walked in dressed with no shoes, kneeled and smiled at me and said:
-Good morning!
I was stumbled, trying to figure out who he is and cover my naked body at the same time.
-Harry is making breakfast and Tom went out to get some fresh juice. Larry and John are cleaning the car. Rob is preparing your bath. Mike and David are walking the dogs. Not sure where Sam and Greg are but I am guessing they are pumping themselves up in case you want to fuck again after breakfast.
I couldn’t talk, hoping this be a dream, wondering who are all these guys and what is going on. Then he added:
-Would you like me to wipe your ass, mistress?
-What! I screamed at him.
-I am so sorry mistress, I have been bad, please punish me if you will.
I didn’t know what to do so I yelled.
-Get out!
-Of course mistress, please don’t hurt me.
He left walking backwards and I was left with the weirdest feeling. I got up, put a towel around my body and walked out of the toilet. As I walked in the other rooms, there I found the other men working and every time they saw me they kneeled down as if I was the queen of England. I got all confused and a little aroused at the same time. I guess I must have been pretty good at this thing, but "how could all these men end up in my apartment in one night?" "Who were they?" "Why don’t I remember anything? And most importantly
WHO WAS I?"
to be continued...
-Good morning!
I was stumbled, trying to figure out who he is and cover my naked body at the same time.
-Harry is making breakfast and Tom went out to get some fresh juice. Larry and John are cleaning the car. Rob is preparing your bath. Mike and David are walking the dogs. Not sure where Sam and Greg are but I am guessing they are pumping themselves up in case you want to fuck again after breakfast.
I couldn’t talk, hoping this be a dream, wondering who are all these guys and what is going on. Then he added:
-Would you like me to wipe your ass, mistress?
-What! I screamed at him.
-I am so sorry mistress, I have been bad, please punish me if you will.
I didn’t know what to do so I yelled.
-Get out!
-Of course mistress, please don’t hurt me.
He left walking backwards and I was left with the weirdest feeling. I got up, put a towel around my body and walked out of the toilet. As I walked in the other rooms, there I found the other men working and every time they saw me they kneeled down as if I was the queen of England. I got all confused and a little aroused at the same time. I guess I must have been pretty good at this thing, but "how could all these men end up in my apartment in one night?" "Who were they?" "Why don’t I remember anything? And most importantly
WHO WAS I?"
to be continued...
how desperate a person can get?
I saw this guy at a bar, fishing in the pond, trying his best to seduce and to satisfy his needs. He was very fond of himself, a little too cocky, he tried to talk his way to every woman wearing come-fuck-me-heels. I couldn't stop staring at him, wondering who will be the lucky girl to end up in his bed and to drag herself out the next morning. He was chitchatting with whoever came near the bar -never offering drinks though- (what a bum!)anyways, I could feel he was getting close with this one hot blondy who couldn't stop sticking her tongue out. They were laughing, dancing -kind of- drinking -a lot- , making out heavily and getting very very close to the intercourse in the middle of the bar. I tell you, it kinda turned me on. So I am there witnessing the whole start of two strangers one night stand. Guessing, they would either use the restroom for a quicky, do it on the backseat of a taxi or by the doorstep of his/her apartment. In the middle of bidding my bets, she turned around and started coming to my direction. I felt a little ashamed staring at them for an hour as if a sick perverted guy would do (sorry guys!)Then she came up to me and leaned over to my ear and said "I won't get laid tonight with that guy unless you come with us tonight" An instant moment of shock almost got me out of my drunkness, I swallowed my thoughts and after inhaling so much of the sweaty air, I said "honey, as much as I enjoy sex, not in the mood of a menage-trois, tonight" In a weird way I was flattered yet I was also insulted. Of all the young, hot women in the bar was I the only one that screamed "so lonely that could do the third act" She was very dissapointed and looked at me in the eye as if I stabbed her, with the bitterest look she said "Fuck you bitch, I wouldn't let him fuck you anyway" That was a bigger shock, how desperate and ugly could a woman get?
I tried not to loose my senses and just smiled at her until she returned to her one-night-stand-man. The rest was even much irritating, as soon as she told the man my refusal, he got mad at her and went to take a leek, I supposed. I realised the party was over for me, there was a woman and a man who were making me responsible for their orgasm. So, I took my coat and left the bar with her devilish looks following me. I got outside and lighted a cigarette, hoping to get a taxi, swearing to myself that I would never go out alone. Then someone tapped my shoulder, I turned and came face to face with the lucky guy who couldn't get his thing up without double exposure. First he wanted my lighter then he wanted to come home with me, and believe me two requests in one same tone. I told him I wouldn't fuck him unless he brought another guy, thinking this would put him in his place. Yet he was very fond of hearing it and asked me whom I would prefer to fuck along with him.
Realising the music was almost over in the bar, I told him to bring me the band singer and I would be all his for the night. With a disturbing grin on his face, he said to wait for five in the front and he would get him and get me off, so there, he went in without any hesitation. Now I was thinking, how desperate could a man be, just to get an orgasm which would last no more than a few minutes? I decided to hide somewhere to see how desperate? Lucky me, I got in a taxi and asked the driver to wait down the street, hoping to see how things would unfold. After five long minutes, he came out with the singer guy, both looking very aroused about the situation until he realised I was gone. He tried not to loose faith and walked around a bit trying to find me. I requested the driver to back up a little bit, and rolled over the window. As he was getting more anxious, he caught a glance at me and I said " good luck with the rocker tonight, I am sure you will make a good couple". Without leaving time for him to say a word, I was gone. Yeah, well I know it was a little cheesy, but it sure felt good.
I tried not to loose my senses and just smiled at her until she returned to her one-night-stand-man. The rest was even much irritating, as soon as she told the man my refusal, he got mad at her and went to take a leek, I supposed. I realised the party was over for me, there was a woman and a man who were making me responsible for their orgasm. So, I took my coat and left the bar with her devilish looks following me. I got outside and lighted a cigarette, hoping to get a taxi, swearing to myself that I would never go out alone. Then someone tapped my shoulder, I turned and came face to face with the lucky guy who couldn't get his thing up without double exposure. First he wanted my lighter then he wanted to come home with me, and believe me two requests in one same tone. I told him I wouldn't fuck him unless he brought another guy, thinking this would put him in his place. Yet he was very fond of hearing it and asked me whom I would prefer to fuck along with him.
Realising the music was almost over in the bar, I told him to bring me the band singer and I would be all his for the night. With a disturbing grin on his face, he said to wait for five in the front and he would get him and get me off, so there, he went in without any hesitation. Now I was thinking, how desperate could a man be, just to get an orgasm which would last no more than a few minutes? I decided to hide somewhere to see how desperate? Lucky me, I got in a taxi and asked the driver to wait down the street, hoping to see how things would unfold. After five long minutes, he came out with the singer guy, both looking very aroused about the situation until he realised I was gone. He tried not to loose faith and walked around a bit trying to find me. I requested the driver to back up a little bit, and rolled over the window. As he was getting more anxious, he caught a glance at me and I said " good luck with the rocker tonight, I am sure you will make a good couple". Without leaving time for him to say a word, I was gone. Yeah, well I know it was a little cheesy, but it sure felt good.
3 Aralık 2009 Perşembe
hepsi kucuk bir fantaziden ibaretti..
...
okudugum kitaplardan fazla etkilenmis olmaliyim cunku freud'un ne dusundugunu bilmeden uyuyamamaya basladim... ruyalarimda sevistigim erkekleri bulmak icin gazeteye ilanlar koydum... olum ilanlarinin yaninda bosalamadan uyandigim erkek isimleri, satilik ilanlarinin yanindaysa digerleri vardi... her gece belki biri daha gelir diye kapiyi acik biraktim, yattigim odayi gosteren ruj izleri vardi duvarda... her gelen erkek farkli renkte ayriliyordu icimden... bense gittikce beyazlasiyordum... gogus uclarimda basladi beyazlasma, ordan kasiklarima kadar yayildi, vucudum beyazlastikca canim acimamaya basladi... daha sert olsun istiyordum... daha cok istiyordum... sonra bir gece usulca acilan kapinin sesine uyandim, gozleri geceden de siyah bir adam duvardaki ruj izini elindeki bicakla kaziyarak yanima geldi. ciplak bir beyazlikla uzanan bedenimin uzerine bicagiyla ismini kazidi. heryer kan olmustu. siyah gozlerini yuzume surdu. gobek deligimde biriken kani icti. parmak uclariyla butun kivrimlarimi duzlestirdi. gozleri gittikce alev almaya basladi. agzindan cikan dumandan onu goremez olmustum. heryer yanmaya basladi. yanan carsaflarin sicakligi icersinde vucudum erimeye basladi. sonra aniden kalcami iki eliyle kavrayip icime girdi. ilk defa aci hissettim, sanki tum organlarim delik desik olmustu. onu durdurmak istedim ama kollarim coktan eriyip gitmisti. tum gucumle basimi iki yana sallamaya basladim, gozlerimden mavi yaslar bosandi. icimde gelip gitmeye devam etti. o kadar cok agladim ki, mavi yaslar bir anda tum alevleri sondurdu. heryer masmavi olmustu. mavi sularin icine akan kan damlalarimin arasinda yok etti beni. geriye yarisi yanmis carsaftaki leke kaldi. icinde beni tasiyan beyaz sivinin lekesi.
okudugum kitaplardan fazla etkilenmis olmaliyim cunku freud'un ne dusundugunu bilmeden uyuyamamaya basladim... ruyalarimda sevistigim erkekleri bulmak icin gazeteye ilanlar koydum... olum ilanlarinin yaninda bosalamadan uyandigim erkek isimleri, satilik ilanlarinin yanindaysa digerleri vardi... her gece belki biri daha gelir diye kapiyi acik biraktim, yattigim odayi gosteren ruj izleri vardi duvarda... her gelen erkek farkli renkte ayriliyordu icimden... bense gittikce beyazlasiyordum... gogus uclarimda basladi beyazlasma, ordan kasiklarima kadar yayildi, vucudum beyazlastikca canim acimamaya basladi... daha sert olsun istiyordum... daha cok istiyordum... sonra bir gece usulca acilan kapinin sesine uyandim, gozleri geceden de siyah bir adam duvardaki ruj izini elindeki bicakla kaziyarak yanima geldi. ciplak bir beyazlikla uzanan bedenimin uzerine bicagiyla ismini kazidi. heryer kan olmustu. siyah gozlerini yuzume surdu. gobek deligimde biriken kani icti. parmak uclariyla butun kivrimlarimi duzlestirdi. gozleri gittikce alev almaya basladi. agzindan cikan dumandan onu goremez olmustum. heryer yanmaya basladi. yanan carsaflarin sicakligi icersinde vucudum erimeye basladi. sonra aniden kalcami iki eliyle kavrayip icime girdi. ilk defa aci hissettim, sanki tum organlarim delik desik olmustu. onu durdurmak istedim ama kollarim coktan eriyip gitmisti. tum gucumle basimi iki yana sallamaya basladim, gozlerimden mavi yaslar bosandi. icimde gelip gitmeye devam etti. o kadar cok agladim ki, mavi yaslar bir anda tum alevleri sondurdu. heryer masmavi olmustu. mavi sularin icine akan kan damlalarimin arasinda yok etti beni. geriye yarisi yanmis carsaftaki leke kaldi. icinde beni tasiyan beyaz sivinin lekesi.
doganin dengesi-zligi
bir elmanin iki yarisi, hangi yari daha once kurtlanirsa daha cok aci cekiyor olmali ve diger yarinin curumemesi icin cekip gitmeli, kurtlarini baska bir yerde dokup ya baska elmalara bulastirmali ya da yokolup baska bir dalda dogmali. terkedilen elma yarisi kurtlanmadigina sevinecegi halde, uzulmeli, diger elma yarilarini curutmeli.
2 Aralık 2009 Çarşamba
be... belong...
how to be? how to belong?
feels like i am almost there, almost as in all and most.
so, i have started to make a list of all and most of the guys i have fucked. it is a miracle that they are still alive, i mean almost, and it is even a bigger miracle that i am not fucked up, yet.
seems like years have passed with delayed orgasms, years have passed with remembering and forgetting the names, years have passed coming and going...
i am wiser now though. i learned to scream more and cry less.
feels like i am almost there, almost as in all and most.
so, i have started to make a list of all and most of the guys i have fucked. it is a miracle that they are still alive, i mean almost, and it is even a bigger miracle that i am not fucked up, yet.
seems like years have passed with delayed orgasms, years have passed with remembering and forgetting the names, years have passed coming and going...
i am wiser now though. i learned to scream more and cry less.
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